Well, it has been...SEVERAL months since my last post...and I haven't done a dern thing about the first post. It's embarrassing. In fact, I wanted to erase the two earlier posts and just start clean. But the purpose of this whole blog was to blog my relationship with God and my goals. And if that means displaying that I am not perfect and screwed up already, then eh, that's what it means. However it also means I can just create a new starting point! It also points out the obvious, that it makes me look bad and I'm embarrassed about making myself look bad.
There are things about me that I'd prefer not to be true. I'd rather not accept the truth about them. I'd rather ignore the pink elephant in the room or scoot stuff under the rug. Deal with it? Nah. But this is what it is. I have flaws. I think I've spent the greater of these last two months focusing on them. From being a perfectionist, to caring what people think, and also people pleasing. I think I've spent time in the word and spent time focusing on how to work on my emotions and learning how to express my feelings. There's just things I had to learn the hard way. Like I won't please everyone. And some people just won't like me (10% of people won't like you - says Joyce Meyer). I'm just now becoming cool with that idea. Another big improvement. Setting boundaries. I have learned to shut my mouth and stop offering to take on 158683 projects when I barely finish anything. I've also learned to decrease my selfishness and increase my awareness of how I think/feel others perceive me. I'd like to say that this has made me...different than how other's have known me. I am feeling some resistance and dislike from others. However, I also feel empowered that I feel comfortable standing up for myself and what it means. Sometimes it does mean have a negative or 'realistic' viewpoint on some things.
I'm still learning how to balance saying those things without hurting people or offending them. Or saying them in a way that doesn't make me look insensitive. I'm proud of myself. And I think if I continue to work out the kinks, I'll be more and more willing to accept the truth about myself.
