I hate that feeling, and I hate how often it seems to pop up and attack me. It started last week. I really should stop using instagram. I was looking at Kim Kardashians pictures thinking:
"Wow, how fun is her life? She is so beautiful. How cool to hang out with other celebrities? I wonder what it's like to be that close to Kanye West?"
These innocent trivial questions seem to be harmless. But that type of thinking doesn't just stop there for me.
I began thinking, "Well why does she get to have that life? She has does negative things to produce some attention, why is her reward fame?"This type of thinking then has me basically comparing my life with hers. Which obviously is completely different. Then I get slightly angry and jealous.
That's just one explample. When someone else gets pregnant, someone getting a new house, when when someone looks better, etc. I keep building with jealousy. It's like once I've opened the jealousy door in my heart, the enemy gleams with joy and holds it open while feelings and emotions get out of control and swarm through to hurt me and separate me from my faith.
In Living by Faith : The Bible and Jealousy blog they drescribe the causes of jealousy in a biblical sense.
"So what’s behind my jealousy?
Jealousy is the pain that arises when someone has something you don’t have, which you think you need to be fully satisfied.
So if I am jealous of someone’s lakefront house, it’s because I believe I need a lakefront house to be fully satisfied.
Or if I am jealous of someone’s athletic ability, it’s because I believe I need more athletic ability to be fully satisfied.
Or (this is my problem) if I am jealous of someone’s fame, it’s because I believe I need more fame to be fully satisfied.
So when I’m jealous, the problem lies in my faith — I’m not trusting Jesus’ promise that He Himself will fully satisfy me (John 6:35). And I am trusting something else will satisfy me more than Jesus."
So what has been my solution to the jealousy? Simply thanking Jesus and centering him back in my world. When I'm green about something, personally it's because not only am I not satisfied with what God has given me but I'm also moving Christ out of my center, and refocusing on some materialistic or fleshly desire. Being thankful for what I have and what he is given me, continues to replenish my faith and it's hard to be jealous or negative when I'm doing that. I may not be where I want to be, but I'm moving forward in my walk with God step by step. And he is given me what I can handle at a time that I can handle it. Some things that we ask God for, well, it's just not right for us and/or good for us at this time.
Joyce Meyers says 'I only want what God wants for me'. This is difficult to say, but I do swallow my fleshly pride and confess it. Because it reminds me that God's plan is the BEST and I only want what he wants for me. And what he wants for me, he will provide as long as I'm obedient to receive it and/or take the opportunities he set in front of me.
It's hard to write this post, because no one wants to admit their faults and things they struggle with publicly, but perhaps my thoughts might be a blessing to someone else struggling. For more information about The bible and jealousy please click on the link: Living by Faith Blog: The Bible and Jealousy
Toodles.
